Scripted · Unhinged · Canon-Adjacent

Character Group Chat

What if characters from different DEA series met in a group chat? We found out.

The Main Characters
Shayla, Jade, Mary, Devon • 4 members
SH
Shayla
Ok so I know none of us asked to be in a group chat but... who else needs to talk?
9:02 AM
MA
Mary
I've been waiting for someone to start this for three books now.
9:03 AM
JA
Jade
Same. Also can we address the fact that our stories are clearly connected and nobody told us?
9:04 AM
DE
Devon
I found out from a reader. A stranger. In a grocery store.
9:04 AM
MA
Mary
Devon. That's actually the most Devon thing I've ever heard about Devon.
9:05 AM
DE
Devon
She said "you're all in the same universe." I said thank you and walked away. I cried in the car.
9:06 AM
SH
Shayla
Okay but real question — who has it hardest? Because I have thoughts.
9:07 AM
JA
Jade
We are NOT doing this ranking.
9:07 AM
SH
Shayla
We are absolutely doing this ranking. I had to carry that man's silence for two whole books.
9:08 AM
MA
Mary
I survived things that don't have names yet. Respectfully, I win.
9:09 AM
DE
Devon
I once stood in the rain for four hours because I didn't know how to go home.
9:10 AM
JA
Jade
Devon that's a mental health crisis not a competition point.
9:10 AM
DE
Devon
...I know.
9:11 AM
JA
Jade
We all love you Devon. But none of us win this one. We all just survived.
9:12 AM
SH
Shayla
That's annoyingly wise. I hate that.
9:12 AM
MA
Mary
Can we all agree that the readers love us though? Like genuinely. I feel them sometimes.
9:14 AM
DE
Devon
I feel them when I'm in the hard parts. Like someone else breathing for me.
9:15 AM
JA
Jade
Devon please warn me before you say things like that. I almost dropped my coffee.
9:15 AM
SH
Shayla
This group chat was a mistake. I'm crying and I just woke up.
9:16 AM
MA
Mary
Same time next week?
9:17 AM
JA
Jade
Obviously.
9:17 AM
MA
Marcus
I don't know who created this chat but I want you to know I found it deeply insulting to be called a "villain."
11:00 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
The chat is called "Villains Only." We are the only ones in it. Connect the dots, Marcus.
11:01 PM
MA
Marcus
I am a man of complex motivations. That is not the same as being a villain.
11:01 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
You burned something down in chapter six.
11:02 PM
MA
Marcus
Metaphorically.
11:02 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
It was not metaphorical. There was actual smoke.
11:03 PM
MA
Marcus
Anyway. What are your methods? I'm curious how you approach the problem of people who refuse to cooperate.
11:04 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
I make them think the choice is theirs. It never is. But they're happier believing it.
11:05 PM
MA
Marcus
That's terrifying. I'm taking notes.
11:05 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
Please don't take notes. That's not what this is.
11:06 PM
MA
Marcus
Do you ever feel like maybe we were the protagonists in our own version of the story?
11:08 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
Every single day. It doesn't make us right.
11:09 PM
MA
Marcus
But it makes us interesting.
11:09 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
...yes. It does make us interesting.
11:10 PM
MA
Marcus
The readers understand us, you know. Some of them. They see through the thing we did to the why of it.
11:12 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
That might be the most unsettling thing you've said tonight. And you said a lot.
11:13 PM
MA
Marcus
I'm choosing to take that as a compliment.
11:13 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
Of course you are.
11:14 PM
MA
Marcus
Same time next week then? I feel like we should debrief more regularly.
11:15 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
I'm already dreading it. Yes.
11:15 PM
MA
Marcus
Perfect.
11:16 PM
SH
Shayla
Okay who added everyone to this chat. There are SIXTEEN of us now.
2:33 PM
MA
Marcus
Not me. I wouldn't have included the main characters.
2:34 PM
JA
Jade
Why does it say "Created by: The Author"?
2:34 PM
MA
Mary
...he knows we can see this, right.
2:35 PM
DE
Devon
Wait wait wait. If we all exist in the same universe... we could literally meet?
2:36 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
Absolutely not. I don't do well in groups.
2:36 PM
SH
Shayla
Nobody invited you specifically, Dr. Cross.
2:37 PM
MA
Marcus
I'm going to need everyone to acknowledge that if we're in the same universe, I was clearly here first.
2:38 PM
JA
Jade
You were not here first. Publication dates exist.
2:38 PM
MA
Marcus
Publication dates are a human construct. In universe time, I was here first.
2:39 PM
MA
Mary
Can we focus? If we're all in the same world, the question is: which of our storylines is actually the main arc?
2:40 PM
DE
Devon
Mine. Obviously mine. I've been lost since page one. That's a full arc.
2:40 PM
SH
Shayla
Being lost is not the same as being the main character, Devon.
2:41 PM
DE
Devon
The readers disagree.
2:41 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
None of you are the main arc. The author is the main arc. We're all just instruments.
2:43 PM
JA
Jade
That is the most unsettling thing anyone has said in any of our books combined.
2:44 PM
MA
Mary
I think we're all the main arc. That's kind of the point. Every one of us matters.
2:45 PM
SH
Shayla
...okay that was actually beautiful, Mary.
2:45 PM
MA
Marcus
I'm not crying. It's dust. There's dust in the universe.
2:46 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
Marcus.
2:46 PM
MA
Marcus
What.
2:46 PM
DC
Dr. Cross
You're crying.
2:47 PM
MA
Marcus
Leave this chat immediately.
2:47 PM
DE
Devon
Nobody leave. This is the most connected I've felt in any timeline.
2:48 PM
JA
Jade
Nobody's leaving. We're family now. The author made sure of it.
2:49 PM

These conversations are fictional and canon-adjacent. Written with love for the DEA universe.